What am I doing?

Every now and then, I stop myself and wonder what I am doing with my life.

Today is such a day.

Imagine this:  I have been awake since 10 in the morning. I have been chewed out from work for being late, was let out by three in the afternoon (that’s some three hours of work… not very much at all), and I then proceeded to waste an ungodly amount of time sitting in front of the computers.  I cannot tell you what I have done on it, but I can tell you what I have not been doing: working. Never mind that I have written a substantial post not too long ago (in fact, it was some hours ago, posted at… 6 or so, was it?), for that, too, was done over a period of few hours—few hours for something that went maybe a little over five hundred words.  I have known that I had a high degree of inefficiency… and there it was, the very evidence glaring at me with the timestamp.  I then proceeded to play Team Fortress 2 until the computer told me that I have had enough.  I cannot do much when the computer simply refuses to let me connect to a game.  But what did I do then?  I surfed the web again, lurking amidst the darker alleys of the Internet.  Looking through my bookmark, I found something that has been bookmarked some time ago in the frenzy of stumbling… Sankaku Complex.

And what a site it is… a semi-neat blog with quite a bit of activity, talking about anime and hosting boob pictures of both photograph and cartoon variety.  In the course of an hour, I have read more about NEETs, otakus, and other things that I was better off not reading about than the period of last few months, if not a year or two.  Being an occasional anime watcher, it also made me more aware of the anime fans, their culture, and their effect on the very medium that they are fan of.  There are also news there, too—rarely are they pleasant.

Sure, these news are from some eight thousand miles from home, but they are still disturbing. I also wonder if any of these news stories are exaggerated or somehow made into a fodder of some more serious (political) issues on hand, diverting the public’s attention. But I digress.

And with these things that I have done, I have accomplished none of the things that I have meant to do.  completing list? No. Reading a book? Nothing done. I have done an extremely cursory attempt at researching on setting up a Windows server, but that is where the productivity ends.  Perusing Amazon.com and Woot.com do not count as researching, not the productive kind, anyway.  In all, I was given some ten hours to work things out, but two blog posts are what I got out of it.

So, thinking of plans, and reading Sankaku Complex… that brings me a thought, leading up to the chilling of the spine.  Am I going to end up like these people on the news? Probably not, realistically speaking. I am too straight for that, at least for now.  Still, it disdains me to see that after months of writing on the blog, nothing much has changed.

I wonder what will cause me to change.