Status Quo 1

I say "Status Quo 1" because there are more to come, most likely. After all, am I not supposed to let others know of how I am doing--especially in my own blog?

That said, welcome back. It is the 31th of December, the last day of 2008. How do you feel? I ask, for the year is over and while nobody wants to really say it, it has been a hell of a year.  Many famous people died, the world is in recession, and god help you if you still have a job, and god help you if you don't; you need the income if you don't have a job, but if you do have it, you are most likely a part of an understaffed organization, and that is never good.

Hopefully the next year would be better.

I did say, though, that I will fix up my life.  A good idea would be to let everyone know how I am right now.

There.  My desk. I am still in my early (mid?) twenties, and with that in mind, it is a privilege of sorts to stay in my parents' house. Every day I feel that I get off easy, life-wise, yet I cannot start being more independent and live on my own. Call it "repenting for my sins," if it were; I have a large debt that will take a few years to clear with my current income, at least with all my tuition and such having to be paid. The cliche saying goes "a picture is worth a thousand words," and I will have you deduct a thousand words out of it.

And there is my bed. I have gotten it not too long ago, and I have yet to get used to the height (it was an upgrade from twin size, and as such, it was lower) and the size (I can toss and turn and I will not fall). It is in a corner, though, and that's supposedly a bad placement for a bed; I will change things somehow.

Aside from that, I am rather sick, so I will not keep typing away.  Happy new year.

It Starts from Frustration

Woke up today to the noisy sound of the alarm clock. Opening my eyes, the reality greets me, slowly but surely settling into my mind that I have not been to anywhere while I was asleep, it was just a dream, nothing interesting will happen today.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Waking up, knowing what doldrums await you.

Waking up, not looking forward to the rest of the day.

Waking up, only to hope to fall asleep again, as though it were all a dream…

This feeling, is it the one of a defeatist, one without a dream or hope?

But I am only 23, a third of a way through the year.

I stopped going to college after a god-awful semester, and instead started working—and to my dismay, recession hit. I lost one of the two jobs offered to me, and proceeded to find a job at a liquor store but quit after only a week; I had too much of a conscience to sell liquor to the people in the area, and after selling a bottle of beer to a man reeking of alcohol and fishing for what little money he has left to spend… I was done. Finished. I could not work there, although I felt a bit of remorse after realizing that the economy was heading south and I could not get another job. So there it was: stuck with a part-time job, not able to work in another place, and if I were not living in my parents’ house, I would be living paycheck-to-paycheck; what nightmare is this? That is pretty much guaranteed to keep me from going anywhere else, and who wants to be stuck at a part time job for years on end, with no chances of getting out of the vicious loop and not many ways to go any lower.

No, I have had it.

This is not the way to live.

Call me naïve, call me whatever you want.

I just want to live, and this is not the way.

All cooped up in the house after work, sitting in front of computer or TV, pondering about how my life could be better. No! I will stop this. I will stop and try doing something with my life. It will not be radical. It will start with simple things.

And I will take notes and take notice of my progress.